Shadows of Surrender

"Just promise me you'll find the real killer. If it was Mav or not that took my husband's mortality too early from him." /Promise me, daughter./

Va'Shanna faded into the shadows and darkness of the night with Nick. She moved, carrying him, stretching her senses to find prey in the night. She put him down briefly while she hypnotized the nearest person that looked decently clean and brought the human back to Nick.

"It's the only thing that is available right now. If you do not sate your first hunger you'll be in pain and go crazy." She knelt down beside him. "Drink just enough."

Unwillingly and not able to help himself, his canines ached as they reformed and extended into fangs. He grabbed the victim's wrist and sank his new fangs into it and drank deeply. His normally hazel-green eyes were blazing red, and as he fed, he realized he liked this new taste. He liked the blood and the small fear in the being as he fed.

But all too soon, it seemed, the wrist was taken away from him and he looked at Va'Shanna as she moved a hand over the victim's eyes and told her to go. Like a puppet on strings, the young woman stood and walked away.

V nodded and picked him up and taking a quick sweep of the area, soared to the skies with her husband in her arms. Twenty minutes later, she landed on a rooftop and let Nick stand as they moved together to the roof window.

She smiled weakly at him and jumped down, landing silently on her feet in a crouched position. Nick followed suit, closing the window on his way down. He straightened himself and looked at her. Pushing aside his five senses that were now raging with better perception, he moved towards her and put both of his hands on either of her shoulders.

Va'Shanna looked away, her hair falling over her face, covering it. "After…Mav stabbed--killed you…I...I don't know what came over me. I," her eyes filled with blood tears that didn't shed yet, "felt so much…rage…hate…I broke. I saw nothing but a blur of white and when I realized what I was doing, I was attacking Mav and swearing vengeance on him. I taunted him. I wanted to kill him, but I wouldn't give him the grace of a quick death…" She closed her eyes. "I met back up with him when he was with Candace. I knocked her out and attacked him. Bruk pulled me off and--next thing I knew I'm with…Jolie. Calling her names, taunting her…then we're fighting." V lowered her head more. "Fighting…

"We were fighting and she was trying to get through to me. But I didn't listen nor trust her. God, Nick, she sensed when you were alive and I didn't! Me and my rage…my rage...I cut Jolie. Thin line on her throat…nothing that would scar her, but…I harmed my own blood!" She spat the last words out.

"And then Angel? Angel. When she got to me I grabbed her throat. I wanted to crush her windpipe…I think I was actually going to do it...but then I heard you…felt your confusion and--" She broke off and crumbled to her knees.

Nick followed her down, pushing her hair away from her face and he swallowed hard, seeing red tears trickling down her cheeks. It had been a very long time since he had seen her cry.

"I've failed everyone. My family, my husband." V closed her eyes tightly as her hands balled up into fists so tightly that her nails dug into skin and started to draw blood. "God, I'm so…weak."

"If I'm not then explain how I didn't sense Mav coming?! Didn't sense a sword being lifted up in the air until it was too late?! Nick, that's never happened before and when I screwed up, it cost you your mortality!" V's eyes hardened.

"You think it makes me any more happier?" he replied. "Being the victim? Not waking until it was too late? Then waking up again with…with my senses off the wall as if I'm damn Spiderman? Not my particular cup of tea, but I'll deal with it. You have to also, or let it go... or neither of us will survive."

Carefully, he brought one of her hands up and he bent his head a little to lick the blood off the already sealing wounds that her nail like claws made. "Because I'm sure as hell starting to get annoyed hearing and seeing everything in hippie vision."

Nick looked at her. "I can't explain it…but after I was stabbed and all hell broke loose, I did see that light at the end of the tunnel…then a blanket being brought over my face and I was in too much pain to do anything. I felt my wound healing slowly…" His eyes hardened as he remembered. "Then Angel came and buried me. I don't know if I died again or fell asleep…I don't know what happened, but next thing I know, I'm digging myself out of the grave and Angel is slapping me to focus." His eyes softened. "Then I saw you."

"Has to be. Your skin tone is a little paler and you did feed." V paused, letting out a low breath. "Forgive me, Nick." She slumped down in his arms, exhausted.

Then thinking better of it, he scooped her up in his arms and was surprised. She seemed even lighter than before. Usually, V was of course light, but not as a leaf. He carried her into the bedroom in the safehouse and laid her down on the covers of the bed, then he joined her, holding her. Tension slowly drained from her face as they lay there for a while in silence, each thinking of the past few nights, thinking of what they could've done to prevent what had happened.

Va'Shanna decided that now Jolie would probably never want to speak to her, much less see her. Not that they talked that much or did anything prior to Nick's murder, but V always had protected -- or at least tried and wanted to protect -- Jolie. And now she was no better than Mav walking out on her a year ago. Then there was the case of Angel. Grabbing her own chylde by the throat and feeling so much rage that she wanted to crush her throat? How could she see Angel after that?

But the real gold was Maverick. Her rage had died down a great deal, yet she still wanted her revenge for what he did to Nick. She even had several ways planned out on exactly what to do with Mav. She was the judge, the jury, and executor for Maverick.

"No, at this time, I can't." He licked his lips and sighed, hating himself for admitting it; "But V…I need you. I need you to help me with what's going on with me internally and mentally. Right now you sound like you're screaming. You can't be fixed and planning your revenge and still want to help me. From the first time we met, we made a promise. Remember that? Whatever would happen, no matter how bad it was, I took care of it. Not you and your fangs."

Nick stood up, starting to feel his own anger rushing. "Listen to me, we need to help each other here. You are not thinking straight here. You are thinking like your old animal self that YOU said you never wanted to become again."

"And I've worn a mask for too long! I am a sister to a girl who loves a man who has hurt her time after time and now is a MURDERER. YOU Listen. MURDERER. MUR-DERER. He killed you! I have been in New York too long watching others kill women or men. I've always wanted to do something, but I never did because I wanted to believe that I was a good guy. That I was making a difference in the world by taking a stand against vampires and other creatures that inhabit the night and terrorize the innocent. Well, HELL! Look where that got me! A husband that was killed--"

V glared. "--killed because of me! Because I am Va'Shanna and am the good guy. I'm always giving people second or third chances. I have grown weak! I have made too many friends and for that my enemies have seen through me and use you to get to me. I should have killed Maverick when he came back!" She punched at a wall and her hand went through it.

She pulled her hand out of the wall and her knuckles were covered in blood despite the wounds already healing themselves. Nick cupped her hand in his and brought it up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Still holding her hand, he looked up at her.

"You think you're the only one who wants revenge, V? I was the one who got stabbed like I was some sort of meat. You don't think I want revenge? I do, but not in the ways you're speaking of. Some part of me loves the thought of seeing Mav getting tortured…but…" his gravelly voice lowered a bit as he thought. "But I need you to help me right now. And then we'll think about what to do. Honestly, I never believed Maverick liked me, and me him…but we did somewhat respect each other. We need to go back and rethink what happened that night…but after my senses stop running around like Spidey sense."

"Promise me that you won't do or take any action till I'm…" He mentally berated himself. Admitting when he needed help and when he was vulnerable wasn't his best thing to talk about much less do. "Till I'm," he continued, "better."

"There's nothing to forgive you about." If anyone's to blame, it's me, he thought. I should've known and heard him coming… He sighed. "Let's get some rest for tonight…and we can start tomorrow."

He tossed and turned, sweating, the bedsheets feeling like they were strangling him. With a gasp, he awoke, unsure where he was or why he was there, wisps of the nightmare coloring his perceptions. His hands grabbed his chest and he looked down, expecting to see a pool of blood and a gaping wound. There was none, however. The room seemed bright, but no light was on. He glanced over at the window and saw a purple sky; the sun was about to come up. He wondered idly if he'd burn up. Even if he was now, he suppose, a hybrid, he wondered if the sunlight would affect him or not. Only one way to find out, he supposed.

He pushed the entangled bedcovers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed, then slowly stood up. He wondered where V had gone, her side of the bed was empty. His jeans were now wrinkled from sleeping in them and his hair was unkempt. Nick could care less as he walked towards the window, which happened to be the only one in the entire bedroom, and it was a small normal squared window, not like the windows at his and V's big home.

Once there, he leaned against the wall and watched her with admiration bright in his eyes. She rolled a few times and kicked high at the air a few times before she stopped and looked at him. She put her weapons down. "Did I wake you?"

"I've already looked in your fridge. No supplies. Suppose we need to hit a hospital." She ran her tongue over her teeth, wanting human blood more.

Looking at him for a bit, she moved over to a window and motioned him over. He found his feet dragging and he forced himself to pick them up and walk determinedly over to the window.

"Yeah," she agreed, meeting his eyes. "We can't allow what happened last time to happen again. Though you're technically still human, you will have all the strengths of a vampire and, naturally some of their weaknesses. For example, the hunger and inner beast."

Nick glanced down at his hand, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays. He held it higher, letting it bathe in the light. It did not burn, however. He left it there for a few more minutes, just to make sure.

He was shocked, too, he had expected pain at the very least. Carefully, she pulled the drapes back slowly, letting the sunlight bathe Nick. He, however, walked over to her.

"In time…depending when or if you choose to live until you meet your…fate that'd make you a full fledge vampire, you can even communicate with other creatures. But for now, you're limited to vampires. How else do you think I call on my wolves? Talk to other creatures?"

V cocked her head to the side a bit. "Nick, how else can you explain your little feeding and drinking of blood last night?" She stepped closer to him. "I think I know how you…survived, amazing as it is. My blood flowed through your veins and helped heal that wound. But for some reason, it wasn't enough to pull you into the vampiric life entirely."

She turned away from him. "I was there. I was the one who couldn't stop it. I saw him. His face. His eyes, gleaming with pleasure and satisfaction."

"Don't you dare protect him!" she hissed at him. "For good God, he KILLED you. Has that not phased you at all?! Because of him, you now carry a few of my curses! Because of him you will be even a BIGGER target!"

"V, for Christ's sake, you don't *know* that for sure. Yeah, I know you think he did, but isn't his cousin a dead lookalike for him? How the hell do you know it wasn't him who did it?"

Va'Shanna backed up slowly. She wanted to go after him, but her legs wouldn't move. Instead, her anger started to warm back over. Maybe this was a sign to go after Mav and settle things once and for all. Nick headed for the bedroom to search for clothes.

She pushed herself away from the bedroom doorframe and walked towards the main door. She opened the door and let herself out. Nick pulled up his pants, zipped them in record time, shoved his feet into his shoes and ran out after her. She was a good twenty feet away from the house by now, walking in quick strides. He caught up with her quickly and caught her by the upper arms, forcing her to stop.

"Then just go back to the house, do your workout some more," he suggested, knowing that in her present state she would be a danger to the general population.

"V, I'm right here, I'm only going to get both of us some supplies and then I'll be back. You said you can hear me... broadcasting, wasn't it? Listen to me then, as I do it, but stay here and try to relax."

She watched him leave, from just inside the doorway of the house. She leaned her head against the doorframe and closed her eyes. Images of her bathed in Maverick's blood came to her mind and she cracked a small smile. She started to walk out, then stopped, remembering what Nick said.

Instead, she moved over to the stereo and turned the radio on and .38 Special's Caught Up In You played. Then she threw herself down onto the couch, to wait.

Nick returned an hour later, finally separating from the sounds of outside. He walked in and looked around for her, taking a few seconds before he spotted her on the couch. After putting the new supplies up, he moved over to her.

He sat down on the floor, then closed his eyes. Cars whizzed by outside, horns blared, children ran around screaming, talking...V mimicked his movements, crossing her legs in Indian style. He got caught up in women gossiping, men talking, televisions blaring.

V closed her eyes and jumped inside of Nick's head and quieted things down for him until they were in a white room and it was just the two of them. He opened his eyes and looked around the room then at her. All he could hear was silence; not even his own breathing or heart beating.

She nodded. "Learning how to control your hearing is harder than your sight. Soon, your sight will adjust and you will grow used to it. In time, so will your hearing."

The room changed once more and as Nick looked around, he saw steel and metal covering the walls, ceiling, and floor. "This is my mind…if you will."

V let out a low breath. She had never let down these shields since the 1600's. Slowly, the steel and metal coverings disappeared towards the ground. He walked over and watched them closely, reached out and felt them disappear, both with his body and his mind.

Slowly, one by one square of steel/metal, her walls rebuilt. She left a small opening to send them back into Nick's mind. Once there she said, "Now you do it, and leave an opening where I did."

He nodded and slowly built up his own shields. When he finished she said without emotion, "Not bad for a first effort," then proceeded to show him where to strengthen them.

After his shields were set, he looked to her for approval. She tried poking them. He did not wince or wither in pain, only looked at her, waiting. So she kicked them, hard, where she could reach. Still, he stood confident.

Then everything went bright and Nick jerked, looking around being back in the safehouse. Their arms were around each other and she helped him stand up. "Feeling better now?" she asked.

V followed him in. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a package of blood, snipped a corner off with a pair of scissors then poured it into a cup and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She took the cup. He looked hungrily at it for a moment, then turned resolutely and poured himself a bowl of Rice Krispies. She sipped at the liquid as she watched Nick. "Eat up."

"Oh, is that what it is?" She grinned, looking towards the bedroom. She walked towards the bedroom, stopping in mid walking and shooting him a leer over her shoulder. He caught up to her fast and carried her in.

They tumbled onto the bed and V pulled him on top of her, their lips locked. He pressed her into the bed, kissing her deeply. She moved her fingers through his silky brown hair.

He reached over her and picked up the telephone, placed the receiver by his ear as he dialed, then lightly ran his fingers over the top of her shoulder as he waited for John to answer. The cell phone's answering service picked up.

His laughed was swallowed up by the nearness of her skin. She smiled at the warmth of his breath. He ran his teeth over his skin, marvelling at the new taste sensations making his mouth tingle. She pulled him down with her. He nibbled as she did. She closed her eyes in ecstasy. As he nibbled, she wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned softly as his nibbling turned into something much more. His fangs had lowered and made a crunch noise as he bit into her neck and blood filled his mouth. He drank greedily, sucking as much down as he could, letting the images in her blood overwhelm him. V arched up against him, her nails digging into his back a bit. He didn't notice.

Her words were muffled by the intense images, mini plays running through his mind, the sounds, the emotions behind them, caught him up. When he finally did pull away, his mouth and lips were dripping with blood and V's eyes were closed. It took him a few minutes to notice, and then he shook her shoulder as he licked his lips.

No response. A hand went up to his lips, dabbing at the blood. Fuck, I took too much from her. He picked her up after he rolled off the bed and carried her into the kitchen. He shifted her in his arms as he pulled out a packet of blood and ripped the top corner of it off and fed it to her.

"Oh. That." She blinked, rubbing her neck softly. He wasn't going to tell her what else he saw; he doubted she would be at all happy to know he'd seen her when she had been alive, but also when she had been in full slaughtering mode. He had also seen just what their first encounter had been like, from her perspective and how fast she had found him attractive.

So they went into the small living room and V taught Nick how he'd hypnotize humans, but told him that he couldn't and should never try it on a fellow vampire. She carried this out in example by leaving the house for a few minutes, then she came back with a human male resisting against her. V walked Nick through it mentally, and he stepped up and followed her instructions, at first finding it hard to latch onto the man and concentrate, but after a few more attempts, he put the man under.

Later on, she checked back on his mental shields and found them still strong and functional. She was impressed, although she didn't tell him that. She didn't want him to get a swelled head.

"Well, since we're not in our house any more, we can use the trees outside for punching bags and we can use the back yard here and the side of the road to jog and run on. Then go to a gym for weights."

She grabbed his hand and dragged him outside. He followed her outside, not having much of a choice. It was dark now and it was pretty much deserted outside.

He glared at her in disbelief, but tried to lift the car from the bumper. It slowly started to move up as he pulled. He continued to until it was over his head and his arms shook slightly from the car's weight, but he ignored it and looked at V.

They started out at a moderate pace, but V picked it up and Nick was surprised to have no trouble keeping up with her. Usually he'd had to put more into it, even when they first met, where he had to jog ten or twenty blocks a day to be ready to take on her and her worldly enemies. He stepped it up, wondering just how fast he could move now. Pretty soon, they were running side by side around the field area. The wind blew against him strongly.

"Focus your eyes," she called to him. "If you focus and think of it not as a blur, you can sense things like a radar. Humans, vampires, anything or one while you're running."

He forced himself to open his eyes again as he slowed down, trying to focus of what was around him. Open country with a dark blue sky filled with stars, trees around them. He slowed his pace even more. As he did, V did the same thing, watching him.

"Well, we know that you have vampiric strength all around," she said, stopping as well. "I suppose tomorrow we can try to find a gym of some sort if you wanted to, or wait until we…" she broke off. Did she really want to go back home? "Until we…you know."

"Then I guess we do what we can here, and go home as soon as I can trust myself around crowds." He sighed quietly, wondering if he ever would have that much control.

The rest of the trip back to the safehouse passed in silence. After Va'Shanna had sat down, he walked into the kitchen, poured both of them a large drink then carried them into the living room and joined her on the couch. He drank his slowly. She stared into the contents of hers, as if expecting to find an answer.

"Control, is perhaps, the hardest thing to grasp," she said slowly, not answering at first. "You need to learn how much is enough. You should always take just enough to run on or at least during love making like what we…" she smiled, "do, you need to at least let me feed from you during it."

He took her arm in his hands and brought her wrist to his lips, then softly kissed the skin. She watched him, then allowed her eyes to roll a bit in pleasure as his fangs slowly sank into her flesh. Carefully, he licked the luscious red liquid that came out of the wounds.

"As I feed, I want you to use that link we have in our mental shielding and feel everything as I take from you…know why and how I force myself to stop…" She took his wrist in her hands and rubbed the skin gently, looking at him.

/Nope./ She sank her fangs into his wrist gently and sucked at the blood as it rushed out and into her mouth. She swallowed as she fed. He yelped in dismay as he saw a particularly private memory pop up. V smirked inwardly as she fed. He concentrated harder on sending other images to her, not ones that would make him run screaming from the room. Slowly, she pulled her fangs out and licked the wound before gazing up at him with a glint in her eyes.

He growled lowly and stood up fast. "You ain't so innocent yourself, missy," he shot back at her as he grabbed his glass and walked quickly to the kitchen.

He hid out in the kitchen for a quarter of an hour, until at last her laughter had stopped. When she trusted her legs, she stood up and walked over to Nick after making sure she didn't bust a gut.

He already had, he just wasn't sure that he wanted her to know exactly what he had seen. Va'Shanna moved over to him closer and leaned against the counter. "So...have I ever got you to meditate before?"

"Whatever I may've forgotten and going back and tweaking a few things. Make sure that you are fully stable. By Thursday, we'll take you out to town and see how you fare, how does that sound?"

She moved her hand to his chin and lifted it up gently so their eyes met. "You won't, Nick. Believe it or not, you are still strong, if not stronger than before this mess."

"I know," she said quietly, forcing herself to not cower away from his eyes. "And from the deepest of my being of what I am, I am so damn sorry that I was too weak to prevent it."

"Ever wish we could be different people and let go of things easily, and move on?" Nick said with a sigh. "It's not your fault it happened, V. I should have never let my guard drop."

"And neither should have I!" V failed and broke away from his gaze. "I made a vow to you and myself that I'd protect you at all costs. Even before we married."

Later on, as they lay in bed together, Nick had fallen asleep and it had started to rain outside. V stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. The events of that fateful night played over and over in her mind. She put herself back in that place at the same moment and time and latched onto the sounds and searched deeply in her mind in the scents. After a while of searching her memories, her eyes widened when she latched onto the right one.